I have recently found myself in an unusual place. A place I thought I have gotten out of for good. A place where I have been many times before; and gotten out of worse off than I was before getting in. A place where I had told myself I won't like to return to. No matter what.
But, I found myself there. How? I have no freaking idea. It just happened and next thing I know, I am way deep into the abyss again. It was like I was yanked away from my safe zone and placed right in the middle of this 'place'. All my attempts at resistance, at finding my way back to my comfort zone swept aside with minimal flourish.
So, here I am. I feel so naked. So vulnerable. So afraid.
Afraid at what is in store for me in this 'place' I have been thrust into.
Vulnerable because I am at the mercy of another. Another whose existence is far off, but whose presence with me in this 'place' is undeniable. The presence is a constant feel....I can really feel it. The presence, the mind....like I can almost reach into it and understand. But, that is only as far as I can go.
I stand, in the middle of this 'place', my vulnerability so obvious and begging to be manipulated- if that is the inclination of this other person.
I am naked. Yes, naked to the other presence in the room. Not in the mundane human way-No.
But, in the deepest emotional way possible. Just like I can almost reach into the mind of the other, so can mine also be accessed. We are like two computers trying to access each other's IP addresses. All we miss are just a few details. But, the connect is definitely there....if not seamless.
I look straight ahead, right at the spot where the other presence stands and wish I can take those last few steps and touch. However, that is not a decision I can take. It is not even my action to take. I have been thrust here....So, I like to believe.
I am at the utter mercy of fate....which hand do I get dealt this time?
